Monday, April 6, 2009

My journey from him to me...

Here I am once again...its midnight...and I turn to my computer to pour my feelings onto my keyboard. But instead of turning to a single mother forum, or updating my facebook status...I decided to start a blog. I have never given much thought or attention to blogs in the past. But something sprang in my mind today...and here I am.

So here is my backstory...

I am a newly single mother. Yup....another statistic. But I would not have it any other way. I was unhappy with my previous life...and I needed to get away. It wasn't bad all the time...but the good were starting to become an odd commodity. So in the middle of yet another ranting fight at 1am....I left. I grabbed my son and drove to my mom and dad's door and dropped my stuff...and just cried. They knew I was serious, I had left before...but they knew this was for real. I was broken, and did not know how to pick up the pieces this time.

The first week was pure terror. So many things were running through my head...visitation, child support, who gets what, unpaid bills, medical, and the list goes on. Our lives were completely intertwined in every way possible. I pictured this mass of wire that I had to untangle...no ends were visible...only curves...where do you start? And does it end? I have found the answer...stand back, and take your time. Ananlyze the situation and creatively solve each problem at your own pace. And no, it does not end. My son needs a father in his life, and if he is willing to be around (yet to be determined), I cannot deny that to either of them. It isnt going to be easy...but no matter what it will be better than how I was living before.

So now, as things are slowly untangling and finding their proper place. I find myself being able to relax, and just enjoy my son. He is the most precious thing I will ever know...and I do not want to waste another moment of our time.

That is all for now...I must try and sleep....

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